Two amazing conditions for a young girl’s wedding.

Two amazing conditions for a young girl’s wedding.

Two amazing conditions for a young girl’s wedding.

7 Kinds of Marriages – and One Awesome Alternative
Don’t let anyone tell you what kind of marriage to have – or that you must marry.

Want to have a successful marriage? Never mind all that how-to stuff about improving communication and adding a spark to your sex life and never going to bed mad and all the rest – that’s fine for what it’s worth, but there may be something even more fundamental to the success of your marriage.

(Yes, I know, I’m Ms. Unabashedly, Unapologetically Single-at-Heart and single for life, so I’ll tell you at the end why I’m writing about this.)

The secret to a great marriage is deciding what you want your marriage to be about – and don’t just give me that gauzy, dreamy poetry about love. Be practical. Be specific. For example: Maybe you just want to try it out. Or, admit it – maybe you really do want to marry for money. Or maybe you care about the kids or about companionship, and you don’t give a hoot about the sexual intimacy. Or maybe you know you don’t want to be monogamous. Or maybe you want the most committed, faithful, traditional version of marriage imaginable.

Whatever you want from your marriage, just be sure you are on the same page as your potential spouse (or your current one, if you are interested in redefining your marriage). Then put it in writing. Make it legal. Because that’s what marriage really is – a legal contract!

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If you and your spouse get out of your marriage what you two decided together was what you actually wanted from your marriage, then guess what? Your marriage is a success! It doesn’t matter if other people turn up their noses at the kind of marriage you choose – it’s your marriage, not theirs.

All of this is what I learned from a book by Susan Pease Gadoua (fellow Psych Today blogger) and Vicki Larson (terrific journalist), The New “I Do”: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists, and Rebels. I reviewed the book for another site and will post the link when it is published. There’s a lot to the book, but here, I just want to share with you the 7 kinds of marriages they describe.

Do-It-Yourself Marriages: 7 Possibilities

#1 Starter marriage: Couples want to try out marriage for a pre-determined amount of time, without having kids. They sign le

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